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Best of Luck
by Kate Clayborn

“When I feel my unruly thoughts spiral… I do my best to follow the advice of Patricia, of my book, I confront every one of those thoughts; I’m kind to each one of them in a way that would’ve made me roll my eyes a month ago… It isn't like any of this is a magic bullet. At one point, I lose track of the breathing, and I’m sucking wind hard enough to hunch over; I clumsily take a piece of my gum from my pocket and chew hastily, desperately, terrified of getting sick on the sidewalk. After that I basically have to start over - the breathing, the visualizing, the patience with a whole fresh hell of terrible thoughts, coming so quickly - it’s like being in a sandstorm.

But eventually - I don’t know how many minutes later - it feels as though the worst of it has passed, my breathing more regular and the tightness in my chest gone, the nausea resettling into something less immediately threatening. My shirt clings unpleasantly to my sweaty back, but the unbearable rush of heat seems to have faded. My hands still shake with the rush of adrenaline, but they’ll follow my commands now, and I run them through my hair, smoothing it back into what I hope is something less haphazard.” (p. 187)

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